So last week we were sitting down for dinner, eating our bog standard spaghetti and meatballs, on an equally bog standard Wednesday, when my husband alerted me to the fact that his Public Liability Insurance had not been paid and was now overdue. Jack, the 4 year old turned to me and said, “Mum, you know that is just an epic fail right?” I paused. a) who is teaching this kid the term Epic Fail and b) how does a four year old have me pinned already?
Do I fail at stuff? Yeah. Do I fail epically? Um. Well. Yes. At times I definitely do.
I have failed to monitor my children’s Television intake: Probably, when you have a four year old who tells his older brother to Dere-lick his balls and that he has the black lung when he coughs, it’s time to take away the Zoolander. And to stop using the television as a babysitter.
I have failed to pay the bills: OK, so just because my day job involves looking at other peoples finances doesn’t mean I am the least bit interested in my own. Ever since we have been together, it has been my job to pay the bills and I have always done this, albeit reluctantly. Case in point: Recently someone saw Phil’s trailer on the highway, thought it was theirs that had been stolen and called the cops. Cops turn up, we provide evidence that he legitimately owns it and happy days. Oh, until they notice the sticker that says it’s out of rego. Shit. That would be my job. I was POPULAR that night. Although to be fair, I never once mentioned how insane it was that we only had one toilet between five of us for 3 years even though his day job is to be a plumber.
I have failed to successfully donate plasma (blood): I’ve donated blood before and I found it no challenge, so when the Blood Bank called me and said I had been identified as a potential Plasma donator, I didn’t hesitate to sign up. Unfortunately my silly body when into “I am dying mode” and I passed out. Nothing says you’re a loser like being dipped back and fed oxygen in front of a packed waiting room.
I have failed to be a good wife: Trust me on this. In fact read about my past failures HERE. I just haven’t been a good one of late. A little bit selfish. A little unkind. And not particularly appreciative.
I have failed to enrol my child in High School: So Maddie starts year eight next year. And she still hasn’t got a high school to actually go to because I’ve been “meaning to” enrol her in one of the three we have chosen. Our zoned school scares the shit out of me and the other three require a deposit, a whole lot of sucking up and for her to be a potential Olympic gymnast. I’m working on it.
I have failed to be a good friend: It is becoming abundantly clear to me that I spend more time speaking to people on line or at work than I do my wonderful, loving best friends. I read recently one of the five things people regret on their deathbeds (Yeah, yeah, I’ll contribute a coin to the cliché jar in just a sec) is that they lost touch with their friends. Oddly, no one regrets not spending enough time in the office.
So above are just a few of my failings of late. I intend, now that I’ve written them down, to rectify all of these. I will call my friends more, be nicer to my husband and pay some bills. And even though he does a bloody good Blue Steel, lay off the Zoolander
|Blue Steel. Courtesy of far too many hours watching Zoolander.|
Perhaps you’ve got a few of your own? No. Just me then. Right. I’ll show myself out.